12 Tips for Sexually Frustrated Couples
Sex is an integral part of a relationship. The more intimate you are with your partner – your husband or your wife – the closer you become physically, mentally, and emotionally. You become more in sync and you create a unique mature level of connection and familiarity to each other. This becomes a strong bond and foundation to your relationship.
However, there might be a downside when a couple is too sexually comfortable in the bedroom. It might confuse you because as you start a relationship, you try to know each other and get familiar with each other. You try to become more intimate to be closer to the person but as you become more intimate and familiar, the excitement fades.
What’s more, when a couple gets married, a couple’s intimacy or sexual activities has to compete with the schedule that preoccupies the day. Work, meetings, projects, financial concerns, and children usually get in the way of a couple’s sex life. Because of these factors, a couple needs to make an effort to revamp their sex lives because it naturally dwindles if you let nature take its course in your relationship.
Here are the tips that could greatly improve a couple’s sex life.
1) A good morning
Start the morning good by saying “I love you” or “good morning.” This might seem far out to the concept of sex but can you imagine ever having sex with your partner if he or she wakes up in the morning with a complaint? That just easily sets the mood wrong.
To start the day in a sensual light, you must begin by being pleasant. And how do you act pleasant? Simple greetings and a smile to your partner is a very easy way that does not require any money to set the mood right.
Another way to justify it is by imagining this comical situation. Try to imagine your partner brimming with hatred and a frowning face during foreplay. Do you think that will work? No. It never will. So start your morning right as it sets the mood and the possibilities for the day ahead.
2) Date each other
Go out on a romantic dinner date and enjoy the company of your spouse or your partner. By the time you are too familiar with each other, there might be a few things that you feel contemptuous about your partner. Leave it all behind the moment you sit in front of each other on the table. Put the first tip to good use while you are on a date and be pleasant.
Dating your wife, especially, will make her feel special and will put her in the mood for some later action. It will also give the two of you a break from the ordinary routine of daily life.
3) Let the red wine do the talking
Drinking red wine has positive benefits for your health. It also has a positive effect on your confidence. Wine works well in bed and will make both of you naughtier. Even if it is not a good vintage, as long as it is good wine, it will loosen up your inhibitions even as a couple. Just because a couple has been together for a long time does not mean you do not have inhibitions.
There is actually a cycle wherein a couple begins a relationship with inhibitions. Then they try to get to know each other more eagerly and explore sexually and they lose inhibitions. And the time comes when they get too bored with each other due to the many factors of life, and their inhibitions come in again.
These are caused by the marital factors or the stresses of the relationship. Alcohol does not hold all the answers to your problems. But sometimes, a glass of wine can go a long way.
4) Ask each other what you want
Familiarity breeds contempt and makes changes quite hard to attain.
When a couple is too familiar with each other, they make false assumptions that just because something was done that way, it has to be done in that way all the time.
The same goes with sex. When a couple has been with each other for a long time, they usually assume that their partner wants to have sex this way. Thus, they eliminate the need to experiment with each other on what other positions and ways they can please each other. That should not be the case.
Thus, even if you have been together for five to ten years, take the time to ask your partner what he or she wants. Sometimes, it will surprise you that they will suggest something else than what you are used to doing. They must have seen it in a movie or heard it from a friend. You have no way of knowing that unless you ask your partner.
5) Go to the gym together to prepare for the sexercise
There is a connection between working out and having great sex.
Sex, in itself, is a good workout.
On the other hand, a workout is a physical activity that will pump your blood and make your blood circulation more intense, paving the way to more intense orgasms.
Working out together also promote your endurance for sex and what better way than to do it together so you both improve.
6) Last longer with natural supplements
The longer you stay in a relationship the higher the chances that you do not last longer in bed.
You can create a good argument against this claim but let’s face it, the more you are too familiar with your partner, you just do not see the point of making it last longer.
There would come a time when sex becomes an activity that you just want to get over with. It can become a chore, thus, you do it fast and it becomes an obligation instead of a pleasure-filled bonding activity.
Make yourself last longer by taking supplements that boost testosterone. We are not referring to synthetic testosterone replacement pills or therapy. That is a completely different matter.
Take herbal supplements sourced from nature that stimulate the body’s ability to produce testosterone. One supplement that we recommend is Tongkat Ali, which is famed for its ability to increase testosterone levels for both men and women. This benefits both males and females in the sexual arena as it helps increase their sex drive and make them last longer for a more pleasurable intercourse. What’s better about it compared to other supplements is that it is sourced from nature and has no side-effects.
7) Let your partner indulge
Take the time to let your partner indulge. It means that you should try to spoil each other in foreplay. Do not be in such a hurry.
Again, do not try to get it over with since that is what usually happens a couple has been with each other for quite a long time.
Take the time to pleasure each other and focus on the pleasure points that each other want and then swap. Put your attention on your partner to be able to try new foreplay techniques. You might find out a new sensitive spot that makes your partner more stimulated.
Explore your partner’s body and then let your partner take the turn in indulging you. You can also do it by tossing a coin. Choose a side and toss the coin. Whoever wins gets to be pleasured first. This adds excitement and an anticipation of what happens next.
8) Try sex toys
Sex toys may sound a bit extreme for some.
However, being in a relationship that is too boring is extreme in a negative way.
There are sensual massagers that are worn during intercourse that can be used to stimulate the female clitoris and send vibrations to a man’s shaft. You may also try using love balls. Sex toys that are used properly are a way to keep sex exciting because it adds an element of discretion. It makes a couple feel like they are sharing a dirty little secret that they cannot tell anyone.
9) Try tantric sex
Tantric sex requires a lot of focus, concentration, and stamina. Aside from that, it is also imperative for you to be able to know how to breathe.
What do we mean by “know how to breathe”?
The breathing techniques of tantric sex can be quite a key to prolonging stamina and focus. Tantric sex is not fully about the orgasm. It is prolonging the sexual foreplay before letting the intercourse end in an orgasm.
Delaying the orgasm can be difficult but you can do it by using breathing techniques, meditation, and yoga. Regularly doing yoga can help improve your chances at lasting longer in tantric sex because similarly, it is both a physical activity that requires complete focus and breathing techniques. Yoga helps you improve your breathing habits and improves your endurance and focus exponentially.
10) Have your own “red room of pain”
Okay, this one can be over-the-top. The term red room of pain comes from the Christian Grey movie Fifty Shades of Grey where he has a room dedicated only for sexual stimulation.
Pulling you back to reality is your room filled with dirty laundry, old blankets, old shoes, and curtains that are not too pleasing to look at.
We do not suggest that you entirely have to change your room and make it a sexual den. Although we are not stopping you from doing that, we suggest that you perk your room up a bit.
Earth tones, blacks, browns and grays, and surprisingly enough, the color purple psychologically makes sex more appealing especially if you use it as a color of your covers or blankets. Change your curtains and put a stash in your drawer where all the naughty sex toys, lubes, condoms and erotic things can be found so you would not have to go look for them when the moment comes. Consider it as an act of preparing for battle.
11) Be honest with yourself
One of the reasons why you may be sexually frustrated is because you let yourself go. Perhaps that steak was just too good to pass up on. Perhaps that burger was just too tasty. Perhaps your motto in life speaks, food is life. And perhaps, after you got your happy ever after, you forgot to go to the gym or look in the mirror.
Looks are not everything but they count. Looks matter. The reason why we travel the world and why the beauty industry is worth billions of dollars is because beauty matters. We like to travel to places that are exotic and beautiful. We like to look at celebrities precisely because aside from their talents, they exude confidence and beauty.
Your partner has probably chosen you in the first place because initially he or she thought that you looked good and even better than those around him and around you.
In short, you were the best in his or her eyes. But you might have let yourself go because sometimes being in a relationship can leave you complacent. As a result of which, you gain love handles and pounds that were not there before. No wonder why your partner does not do the things he or she used to do. You may be too heavy to carry or too much to handle.
Be honest with yourself and look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see the same pretty girl or buff guy you once were? If you do not, then be honest with yourself and be brutally true to yourself. You have to assess what is wrong. And when you honestly do that, then you can be able to list down the ways on what you can do and stop doing in order to change what you do not like. If it is your weight that you do not like, then you can start to exercise and stop eating tons and tons of unhealthy food. If it is your skin that you have neglected then you can start by drinking lots of water and taking care of your skin on a daily basis. Remember not to give way to so many excuses.
12) Invest in good underwear
When you were a new couple, you must have worn better underwear compared to the time you are married. Be the YOU that you once were when your partner fell in love with you or when your partner was sexually crazy over you. Do not let yourself go. Nature will swallow an empty house that is not being tended. You will eventually look like an old hag or a hermit from the farthest caves if you do not take care of yourself. What you wear outside and inside paints a dreamy picture of your identity.
Wear good clothes and sexy underwear. Sexy lingerie will also make you feel sexy and set the mood hot instead of old baggy underwear. You are also what you wear.
The Bottom Line
What happens to our lives, our careers, relationships, and sex life is a direct result of the effort that we put in. The moment you take responsibility to take action and apply these twelve simple tips, you will start seeing changes.
Remember that excuses will yield nothing. Saying you do not have the time or are too busy means that you give up and become powerless. That should never be the case. Wake up each morning and remember that any area of your life including your sex life can be improved if you follow the proven tips.